This week, I'm wondering about how you all feel about the bikini wax. I personally think is the most embarrassing, yet absolutely necessary salon treatment. Boys - do you have a particular preference for a specific shape? Or what about the Brazillian - completely bare? I feel two ways about the Brazaillian wax...one, it's pretty ballsy and kinda cool. Two, guys that like it could be pedophiles, considering when you are done, it looks like you haven't been through puberty.

For those of you who have never had this expierence, let me let you in a few secrets....

1. Plan to be there awhile. This is a lengthy procedure, so if you need a lot taken off, plan on at least 1/2 hour. If it's your first time, and there is also shaping of what's left involved - 45 minutes.

2. Know what shape you want.

3. Be prepared to spread 'em. Practice this at home until you feel comfortable: Lay down with your legs bent all the way out to the side, like with the bottoms of your feet pressed together. If you are shy - you have to continue shaving.

4. Take Ibuprofen an hour before. And BREATHE.

5. Don't tell your boyfriend. Let him find out on his own. And, according to my waxer, if you're single, sex is coming your way.

Well, I hope that helps. Happy waxing everybody. Guys - your women are going to look groomed to perfection. Or, look like they're 12, whichever you prefer.


[Sandy] [Saturday, August 20, 2005 2:16 PM] [2 comments]

My supervisor still got a job. The owner of the dog came to the police station and he did not pursue charges. Claire remains a free woman! Which is good considering her 50th b-day party is tonight!

[Sandy] [Saturday, August 13, 2005 3:01 PM] [1 comments]

There has been a lot of discussion lately about these two bands. Check out blink's website - there is a ton of critisism against GD - saying their not funny anymore...blah, blah. Both have three members, play punk rock music, and put on fantastic concerts. But, I'll have to say, one is better than the other.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE Blink. From San Diego in 1993...There is probably no better drummer than Travis in the world. There is not another band that is a creative as them when it comes to new sounds. On "Feeling This," Tom screams in a 30-foot long living room with the microphone 15 feet away. Mark records reverbs by playing them in a shower. And, they all support each other's interests in doing solo projects, which is very unusual. I heard the Transplants are great. And, who could forget Box Car Racer? I didn't take that out of the CD changer for a year! When I listen to Blink, I can't believe how truly awesome they are. I thought their last album could not be beat.

That is....until I heard American Idiot.

Now, GD has been together for 16 years. They put out 9 albums since 1990. They have been friends since high school, which I think is Tre Cool. Billy Joe's voice range is uncomparable. And Mike Dirnt. His last name is taken from the sound of him strummin' the base. Hilarious. GD has gotten a lot of slack in recent years - some say they are not punk enough....perhaps that is due to their wide range of songs - they can be the punkest of the punk, or sing a punk ballad that could make you cry. In 2005, they made American Idiot - which has been called a Rock Opera. The last time anyone did that was Styx (which is also one of my fav. bands)! Every song is tied together with lyrics about real issues. The concert is over 2 hours long (I've seen it twice) with a ton of pyrotechnics and audience participation. I would deem it a religious experience.

GD won a grammy in 2005 for AI - beat that blink! I don't think so. Blink should concentrate on convincing Travis not to have a reality show about his family....talk about jumping the shark.

And for those of you that disagree with me - I don't care. I want to be the minority. I don't need your authority. Down with the moral majority. Cause I wanna be the minority!

[Sandy] [Saturday, August 13, 2005 3:00 PM] [2 comments]

Okay, so you're walking through a parking lot and notice a dog in someone's car. Now - feel the heat. It's 95 and 100% humidity. The dog looks like it could die at any moment. You wait around awhile for the owner, but no one shows up. When the dog's tail stops wagging and he lay down to die, you decide to call the police and see if they can help. They say they'll send someone over, but 1/2 hour later, still no sign of the owner or the police.

What would you do?

Well, my brilliant supervisor at work - now remember I work for the government in probation - reaches in to the car, unlocks the door, and takes the dog to her car where it's air conditioned. She gets the dog some water and waits around some more. When no one comes, she drives the dog to the police station. No note on the car for the owner. Can you imagine? Ya walk out to your car expecting to see your dog licking the window, but he's been kidnapped. Needless to say, I'm waiting for her collect call to bail her out when she gets arrested for Felony Burglary, which is automatic five years probation and a fireable offense. Will Claire lose her job after being there 25 years? Just wait and see.

[Sandy] [Friday, August 05, 2005 1:52 PM] [4 comments]

Byron and Mary are back on. I love those on again, off again relationships. They keep us on our toes. I'll keep ya'll posted.

[Sandy] [Monday, August 01, 2005 11:47 PM] [2 comments]

I love reality TV. I absolutely love how these totally wealthy kids pretend- yes that right--pretend, that their real lives are portrayed on Laguna Beach. Did Steven actually start crying when he came home and realized his slut, bitch girlfriend, Kristin was seeing another guy? Gimme a break. She was screwing someone else before you even made it to San Francisco the day you left for college. Go out with LC and make this summer interesting.

A close tie for best reality show is Real World. I can't believe they are still making this show. I can sum it up for you in one sentence: Get a bunch of college-aged, average-looking, kids with no morals, give them alcohol and a hottub, and telll them to try and have sex with as many people as possible. That's the season, wrap it up. Do these kids have parents? If so, I hope they don't have cable. If you don't have the highest self-esteem - watch this show. You'll be thanking your lucky stars for not turning out like them.

Being Bobby Brown. Haven't seen it, but don't think I can. When did Whitney Houston become a crack whore? I tell ya...she's come a long way since Bodyguard. In the last episode, she popped a zit on his face. I guess that's her perrogative.

I could go on and on. The competition shows are out of control. Can you dance, can you sing, can you live without food for a month, can you eat a pig's small intestine, and my favorite...are you crazy enough to replace Michael Hutchence? Guys, he killed himself wacking off while hanging in a hotel room. Good luck.

Update for Bachelor fans. Byron and Mary broke up per my parents. They got all the scoop.

Whose counting down the days to the OC? I know it's not reality, but it's just as good. Or better. Yes, definitely better.

[Sandy] [Saturday, July 30, 2005 2:20 PM] [3 comments]

This past week I participated in a very interesting training seminar called, Interviewing the Sexual Deviant. The speaker was a former police officer, who now completes polygraph examinations for a Court in Georgia. He showed us three very disturbing videos - you can't imagine what people are into these days.

For example, Keith, your typical 35 year old truck driver, derives sexual excitement and pleasure from anything oral from little kids. And, no, I don't mean oral sex. I mean taking gum from inside a four-year-olds mouth and then chewing it and getting off. How 'bout pouring water in little kids shoes and drinking it? I'm not kidding. He used to soak kids socks in the sink and then drink the water. Oh, and Keith likes to eat dog and cat food. He admitted to beating off after licking dog shit. The best, however, was Keith's obsession with licking kids snot. Can anything be more disgusting? And get this - his mom ran a day care in their home. Talk about when an opportunity presents itself.

There's a lot of stuff about this crap on the news. Who the hell let John Couey out of prison? He's the man who kidnapped little Jessica Lundsford in Florida and raped and killed her. He was a convicted sex offender!!! And then there's the beautiful teacher in Florida who slept with a 14-year old student...she's claiming to be insane. What the hell is going on in Florida? If you have kids, stay out of that state!

What should be done with sex offenders? One police officer in the training suggested we send them all to an island instead of treatment. Then I reminded her that her son might turn out to be an offender, and then what's she gonna say? "He just needs help!" Police officers are so compassionate. What do you say?

How old should someone be to make their own decisions about having sex? Check out www.ageofconsent.com. It has a chart that lists a bunch of different countires and the laws regarding the age of consent. Check out how different the states are in our own country!

[Sandy] [Friday, July 22, 2005 1:47 PM] [2 comments]